see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
