do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
