Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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