He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
