I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
