my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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