dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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