nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
