I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
