after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
handjob tips. give me some.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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