I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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