Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
