Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
