I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Come on in and take your pants off
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