Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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