Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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