is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
