i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
