I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
