If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
