Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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