Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
