listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
