Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
