we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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