Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
