After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
