Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
