so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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