if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
