I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
