Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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