Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
