do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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