she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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