i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
