The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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