I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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