She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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