Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
