Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
