I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
