The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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