I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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