i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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