he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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