I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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