My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
