matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
