No stitches, just platelets and will power
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
