The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
