why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
