i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
