I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
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You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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