i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
