Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
