I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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