he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
