you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
