My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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