I showed him my bush... on skype.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
