Swine flu. Run for my life!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Shame is for Republicans.
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