'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
