billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
