you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dignity is for republicans.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
